So, a strange phenomenon occurred when Josh and were really in thick of getting our budgeting routine down. I recognized a change in myself. Of course, I was feeling that peace that comes from being in control of our finances but something else was happening. I was feeling less critical of other people and their finances. You might be asking yourself, “How on earth does a budget affect how you see other people?” Let me explain. When we decided to get out of debt, Josh and I decided to focus on our life and we stopped putting any importance on what “the Joneses” were doing. In fact, we were happy for “the Joneses”. Why? Because when you take accountability for your financial decisions, you care less about what other people do with their money.
Our Budgets will look Different than our Neighbor’s
After doing our budget, we realized that it’s all about prioritizing and planning. Specifically, we plan for our priorities. And aren’t we humans as dynamic and unique as anything can be? Our budgets will all look different because we have different priorities. So, let’s circle back. How does budgeting help us be less judgmental of people? We can’t always know if someone’s financial decision was wise or foolish. Unless we are seeing all the numbers, we just don’t know and so we can’t assume.
How do We React? Stay Neutral Baby!
For instance, if my neighbor decided to go on their 5th cruise in one year, we can either be happy for them or judge negatively. We can decide to assume that they prioritized and planned ahead for the vacations. Furthermore, we can just avoid to label the decision completely and stay in the sweet hills of Switzerland and give them a thumbs up as they depart. Finally, we could put our noses in the air and scoff at their supposed gluttonous life. “I can’t believe they would spend so much money on such a frivolous thing!” Well, the latter reaction in my opinion is just oozing with envy. Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I prefer to acknowledge that people are in charge of their finances and can do whatever they would like to do with their money. So, I try to stay positive or hangout in the sunny hills of neutrality.
Background Noise
When you have big financial goals like paying off $280,000 of debt, all the other people and their stuff just becomes background noise. It’s there and sometimes it can be distracting but ultimately it’s in the background and it doesn’t matter all that much. If we get mad at how people spend their money, perhaps it’s because we are projecting some of our own insecurities. How do I know this? I’ve been there folks. So often, when I was all bugged about someone’s financial choice, it was because I was jealous or feeling a little too much pride about our own choices.
Desire to Help more than Criticize
I’m not saying that you stick your head in the sand and are blind to every person’s poor financial decisions. I’m saying you just won’t be phased by it. If you have your house in order, that becomes your focus. Of course, when I see loved ones struggle financially, I want to help and share what has helped us. However, if they do their finances differently, I’m completely good with that because ultimately it’s not really any of my business.
On the other hand, if someone asks me to help; then I will share the principles of personal finance that have helped us so much. If they come to me with questions regarding my opinion, I’ll share it. However, if they don’t suddenly jump on the “Dave Ramsey”Train, I’m typically not bothered by it. I may not understand but it’s not usually an issue. I must admit that my husband and I will sometimes compare how other people do their finances but it always ends in how we we are grateful to finally be on a plan together. We focus on what we can do to make our lives better and when it comes to our friends and and family, we try not to judge and wish them the best!
Pride anchored in Gratitude
Pride is an interesting thing. It’s good to be proud of yourself but when that prides isn’t anchored in gratitude, it can lead to some negative behaviors. Namely, it can lead to greed, being overly critical and unteachable. At least, that is what I’ve seen in my own experience. When I put too much weight in what I can do, I begin to think more narrow-mindedly and think I know what’s best. Due to my faith in God and Jesus Christ, I really attribute everything to God’s goodness and that helps me keep my pride in check. But even if you’re not religious you can still exercise gratitude. It’s acknowledging that you are not the only one that contributed to your success. There are always things and people to be thankful for to keep you grounded. It’s also realizing that we all start somewhere and we don’t come to this world knowing everything. We all have some learning to do.
For me, this whole personal finance journey has changed me. I feel more content with what I have and I’m less critical of other people. Now, I have to be honest, I have always found it somewhat easy to be happy for other people’s successes but I feel that I do not make snap judgments as much as I did previously.
So, creating a budget and following it, is not some magical pill that will suddenly make you more accepting and humble. It’s a process and requires you to make decisions that will help you develop those attributes. So, if you feel like you would like to zap those negative judgments out of your life, try starting a budget!
